I had pushed off his calls, enough times on that day, though I did not do that purposefully, yet it happened. The postponement of our meet for over several months’ at a stretch. Which I now vouch as lack of my courage.
I find him, very subtle, his presence magical, makes me forget the time sense. However brief it is. First few times I thought it’s my own creation, of such feelings, but over repeated meetings, I was clear, something strange, exciting and single minded focus would fill me when I spend time with him. I am not creating it myself, neither I know how to do it. I don’t want to cheat myself anymore.
Friday evening already turned night, I thought I will just say hi to him. I started casually, and told 'there is no sister hood among women, however close, their jealousy will soon pitch in'. I talked and talked, surprisingly I don’t even remember what all I had spoken, all I knew was, an hour that had passed. I had started losing my control, my world.
Breeze created a fantasy feeling, Looks he did feel the same way. He was in usual half shirt, white cotton on jeans, looking brighter by moonlight, I think he was getting chilled, felt like give him the jacket I was wearing.
When he held the flower, I felt, he is joking holding it as if proposing. Since there was no such thing between us. What I failed to notice is, there can be always a new beginning for anything, any moment. I did not know how to react but enjoy his dialogues.
I had liked his straightforwardness, his belief in his own views, courage to say the truth, with a straight look into eyes, and soul touching words apart his peculiar detached approach. Though I felt it very romantic at times but had concealed such feelings from him.
May be he was waiting for me to respond, or if I think clearly he was only in his world, may be not waiting to know my reaction, that’s what I felt. Moment was indeed magical, I had never felt anybody in my earlier popular college life, could able to get me such an experience.
I was lighter at heart, mind was cheerful with songs on my lips. My bestie said my face was bright for next two three weeks!
Frankly, I did not knew how to react, moreover what to react at, it was so blissful and I was sure I was no more myself. I became fully aware only when flower touched my feet, I had turned speechless, and had no words left in my mind or at heart. I doubt my existence was there. I was blank, I was empty.
I had repeated the same words ‘you wasted one more flower’, may be by practice, I was sure my mind did not intended it. It was over before I knew. I wish if I could get those moments back in my life again while being fully alert. But somewhere words are ringing in my mind,
‘If one start understanding LOVE it is no more there’.
I learnt, I cannot expect a lesson I badly need, to be taught in a way I wanted. Indeed it was.
Before parting on that Friday night, I vividly remember whispering in his cold ear almost touching my lips with a little tighter hug...‘this is the first time ever anyone made me feel such an ecstasy … Happy Valentine’s Day’.
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