After attending a session or two, parents usually turn up to talk about their kinds. Talk goes, kids don’t listen to their words, always play with gadgets, teenagers practically have no direction and their lack of respect towards their parents.
They also share, that sometimes it creates a situation where parent cannot give up or get along, but suffer silently and many times apparently too. It slowly paramount’s having no listening ears to their woes.
I do share my inputs relevant to their circumstances; however, if there can be a common denominator to better the situation, it would help immensely, hence the post.
Most of us do feel the need to improve circumstances, and usually in others, say kids, teenagers, parents, spouses or even the bosses. Nothing wrong, it is easier to identify others improvements. What is more important is, to identify what needs to be improved within, based on the repeated external reactions one observes. This is more practical as they are under individual’s control.
Consider the following questions.
What is my behavior which is invoking repeated pain from the others?
I am trying to equate to others, without having put necessary time and effort, in that direction?
Am I looking to receive the feedback that only pleases me?
Am I open enough to seek the feedback from right people to get corrected myself?
What is that I am really concerned about, satisfying my ego or knowing the truth?
Kids copies what they see around. It’s at hands of parents to give an environment based on values, thoughtfulness and love. Having set an example from the beginning, expecting a different behavior from the offspring a dozen year later, does not make much sense.
It is easier providing the packaged foods, entertainment channel and gadgets, while parents being busy with their own pursuits. Rather spending time walking with them, going to morning exercise classes together, getting them engaged in sports or even in religious ceremonies.
Right, expectations can bring pain. Closer the people, higher their control on our happiness. But, what we are not, we cannot impose on others.
Identifying a problem's origin rightly is almost half solved. We think we are right, maybe from self point of view. This can be re-looked from kids or teenager point of view, to reassure on our stand. However strong ones mental make-up, situations may over rule, indicating the necessity of change in mindset, beliefs, attitude etc. These are out of comfort zone, people resort to excuses instead of identifying a stronger why they need to do so.
Speaking about children and their impatience in general, that can be attributed to lack of practices relating to refining the mind. A mind which is largely uncultured can erupt at very first provocation. It is essential to make the new generation (gen) to understand where their mind is leading them to and what if the support system around them vanishes.
With a negative action expecting a positive result is nothing but foolishness. And that control lays in individuals daily habits.
New gen likes people who can make them excited, active and colorful. Most of the parents are exhausted (in life); neither has the energy (physical, mental) nor the desire for newer accomplishments. Or even to be up to date with current happenings, which new gen is familiar with. It should be WOW kind for them every day. One needs to speak their language to understand them and also to make them listen to ours.
In one of the speaking session, at the end, a father approached me and said, ‘my teenage son does not listen nor respect me’ and continued few more sentences on those lines. I asked him to check, ‘who his (sons) role models are. If a teenager finds them on their dining table every night he would respect them’. So creating such a situation within is every parent’s work. Then, for every decision making children would approach their parents, because they believe parents know better about the world and what is good for his or her, in particular.
I have come across few business owners who have successfully built Business Empire, but their children don't want to join hands and continue what the parents have been waiting for, who wishing to retire. But the entire business model is no more exciting for new gen. New gen needs what their friends are doing.
If parents try put responsibility on them they shun with excuses. Key is in making them identify their passion, teach importance of uniqueness vs. uniformity, help build around their USP, get them focus one or two meaningful pursuits, show them how to move from passion to profits for reaching their desired lifestyle.
Give them the freedom to experiment, fail and learn. And respect the process by walking along with them.
Result, not only they respect, but become lifelong admires of their parents. Growth is necessary compared to making them a just a polished adult, it wouldn’t help much either.
A parent earns respect by growing together. After all they become parent because of their child, hence, the new learning. This is what I touch upon, in my 21st century leadership session, in staying relevant and in getting the results.
Comments